Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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