On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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