Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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