Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
