Banned from zoo.
Again?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
