The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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