I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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