I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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