she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All the doctor said was why
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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