dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Randomize
