She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
