So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize