I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
40s are totally the cure
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
