Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
