I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
