Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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