He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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