margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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