that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
