fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
