haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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