You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
