how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
