I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
