im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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