sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
