Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
