In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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