you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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