the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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