I didn't shave. On purpose
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
