i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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