This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
