dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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