Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
handjob tips. give me some.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
