pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
