he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
