My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this beer tastes like vomit already
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
