The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
