Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
