i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
