Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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