Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
