I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
