Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
