Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
