I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
