She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
