Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
