He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
