can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
