Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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