Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
