I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
