What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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